Friday, May 28, 2010

Day 61: Growing Babies

On Sunday the babies officially turn 6 months old. I can't believe my babies have lived a half a year! It's amazing how fast it has gone by. I think I feel that way probably due to the lack of sleep and an overdose on coffee because we all know it hasn’t really been fast. It's been a crazy 6 months, but so rich in great treasures. Both of them are rolling over, almost sitting up on their own, playing with lots of toys, and talking and smiling at everyone. They even have teeth! Zaya got her 2 bottom teeth last month and Chase's two bottom teeth just broke through. They are eating some veggies. We have tried Sweet potatoes, carrots, and squash so far and they love all of them. Chase decided this month hair is in so he decided to start growing some but Zaya is holding out because she is going to set a new bald trend. It has been such a joy to watch them grow and learn the last 6 months. My world is definitely bigger and brighter because of these two little people.

Today I’m grateful for my growing babies!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Day 60: Amy Wenzel Workshop

Before we left for Indiana I went shopping for some new clothes to fit this new post pregnancy body because I knew that the sweat pants I have been wearing for the last 5 months weren't going to win the coolest girl award with the super trendy, totally hip photographers I would be spending time with. It was my first time since I had the babies that I would be leaving them for a "work day" of time. I don't know if it was the anticipation of meeting my favorite photographer, or the excitement of all I would learn or the sheer exhaustion of getting us ready to go on this trip that made me miss how hard the time away from the babies would actually be. Reality struck me over the head the very first night when I was walking over to the mixer to meet the other photographers and Amy Wenzel. Here I was dressed in my cutest trendy shirt, my hair pulled to the side and my make up done. I actually thought, “I look pretty” but I felt like I was 8 years old and playing dress up. I was also dealing with butterflies in my stomach fluttering in all kinds of directions causing a sort of hurricane in my stomach. As I walked to the mixer I called my husband and rambled on and on about how I haven't been this nervous since high school, "I feel like it's the first day of school and I'm the new kid." I wanted to fit in with my cool clothes and my great hair, but I felt like I was a square trying to fit in a round hole. For the last 5 months my deepest conversations have been with two little people who can't talk back. I didn't know what to do with myself I felt like a fish out of water. I was friendly, I smiled and came up with something to say...something probably ridiculous and out of left field, but something. I wanted to be there. I wanted to meet some new friends and encourage them, I also wanted to learn new things and go to the next level in my photography. I knew this was a dream come true, but I couldn't get past this desire to just be with my babies, in the comfort of my sweat pants, talking baby talk and seeing them smile.

Someone once shared a quote with me and it went something like this, "Being a mother is learning how to live with your heart running around apart from you." It's true! My heart was in our hotel room with Grandma those two days and I haven't learned how to keep living without it near. I find it hard to focus in adult conversation, I have a really hard time being productive, even when they're sleeping I just want to check on them and I have a hard time pursuing my dreams because my heart just wants to see them pursue theirs.

So the workshop was incredible. I was challenged in my thinking about what kind of business I want, I learned a lot in Photoshop and business practices, and I also learned that I know a lot more than I thought I did. I should be more confident in my art, in my capabilities and in myself as a photographer. I was disappointed in myself because I didn't let myself be known, I didn't get to know anyone and I didn't encourage anyone. The things I used to be good at don't come as easy anymore. I'm learning how to live in this new "mom skin". I hope one day I get a chance to meet Amy Wenzel again and encourage her in the place she is at in life. I hope one day I get the chance to be in a room with strangers and get to know some new people and allow them to know me. I hope one day the Lord gives me another chance to be used by Him. I’m afraid I missed it this time.

Today I'm grateful I had the opportunity to go and learn about photography and that the Lord met me and taught me some things about myself.

These are a couple shots from the photo shoot at the workshop.  Let me know what you think.

Day 59: Visit with Family

Yes this post is about a week and a half late but in my defense traveling with twins has a recovery period. It was crazy, a little insane at some periods of time and definitely sleepless but, all in all, our trip to Indiana to visit family was a good one. It is a blessing to see your babies loved and celebrated and that week in Indiana they were definitely that. They met Great Aunts, 2nd cousins and 3rd cousins, Great Grandpas, and Great Grandmas and they were truly celebrated and loved by all.

One of the greatest visits was when we went to spend some time with Phil's 92 years old Grandpa. I have always enjoyed the time I have spent with Harry. From what I know about this 92 year old man in the 2 times I have met him is that he loves living life. The ordinary, everyday life, pulling dandelions, picking up sticks, keeping his yard nice, being with his family, driving his car and going out for fish on Friday nights...he loves it. He really loved meeting his newest Great Grandchildren. He expressed himself with genuine excitement as he held them and said over and over, "wonderful, wonderful this is just a wonderful day!" Harry and Dorothy loved watching them, talking to them and holding them.  They even said, "Alright you guys can go now, we'll be fine here." Mama wasn't about to leave her babies but it was fun to know their hearts to spend quality time with them. That one beautiful afternoon watching two 5 month old babies interact with their Great Grandparents was worth the sleepless nights, the mean looks from strangers on a plane and the all around craziness of traveling with twins.

Today I'm grateful my babies are so loved by family.

Chase and Grandpa Harry

Zaya and Grandma Dorothy

***By the way I figured out my blog finally.  Always before no one could comment unless they were a member of blogger, but now anyone can comment.  So have fun giving me some blog love.*** 

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Day 58: Mother's Day Gift

Considering my husband was going to be flying across the Atlantic on Mother's Day and my children are too little to understand the great importance of Mother's Day I figured it would be like all previous Mother's Days in my life...not special. However, my husband never stops amazing me. As I was rocking one child to sleep today for the 4th time there was a delivery to an apartment in Indiana that I happened to be staying. Delivered were a dozen red roses with a sweet card from my wonderful husband. I cried because I miss him, I cried because of his sweet words, I cried because I am so blessed to be living my dream life with my dream man. It makes me happy to make him happy by caring for our children. I love being a Mom, I love being a wife, and I truly love this life. The Lord is so good and so faithful to redeem Mother's Day for me. There was a time Mother's Day was one of my least favorite days of the year. It only brought the sting of bad memories to the front of my mind and reminded me of my loss. Mother's Day is now a day I'm reminded that I have the BEST babies, the BEST husband and the BEST job...MOM!

Today I'm grateful I'm celebrated for being a Mom.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Day 57: I did it!

Since Phil has gallivanted out of the country to serve the Lord the house has slowly gone downhill. First my sweet Zaya got sick, then Chase and I followed. Runny nose, sore throat and a cough...all the best stuff when Daddy is gone. I really put on my game face, even though I’m not feeling well, as I went into the evening because they both needed to eat their cereal, have a bath and I knew they would both be a little more "needy" (that's a nice word for fussy) because they weren't feeling well and neither had a good nap today.

Cryfest 2010 started right around 5:30 as they were getting diapers changed and Mom was on her way to make some cereal. I held them off with a little dancing and singing until I could arrive with the food. I started with Chase as he was the most "needy" at that moment but he decided he wanted nothing to do with that delicious cereal. So I went on to Zaya and fed her while bouncing Chase in his bouncy seat, she gobbled hers up and seemed content enough for me to continue my battle with Chase. He finally got most of it down but definitely not without protest and Zaya let me know she wasn't too happy about this battle either.

Round 2: Baths! Mommy ran and got the bath, filled it, got towels and babies all in position and of course ran into a detour...a dirty diaper...back to the changing table then back to the bath...everyone is in position…bathing begins. Chase enjoyed his bath but didn't enjoy waiting for Zaya to have hers. Everyone was clean and wrapped in towels and somehow managed to get in Mama's arms and back to the changing table and that's when the real protest began. I'm surprised you didn't hear it from where you are. So I did as any good mom would do I hurried a little faster and started to pray and told the babies to pray. Pray that Jesus can help you because Mommy isn’t doing a great job right now! Everyone got lotion, diapers, and pajamas on and I lifted them both in my arms as they were crying out for help and I began to rock, and bounce, and dance, and sing. Two babies as uncomfortable as they could be jammed in Mama's arms rocking, bouncing, dancing and listening to their Mama sing and all of a sudden it happened...I was enough for both of them in that moment because I rocked, and bounced, and danced, and sang them right into serenity. We did that for a half an hour and my baby girl fell asleep on one shoulder and my baby boy cuddled up in peace on the other. I did it! I suppose I never thought I could be enough for both of them if they both needed me at the same time but I was tonight because the Lord didn't let me lose my joy. I just kept rocking, bouncing, dancing and singing.

Today I'm grateful the Lord has given me what I need to be a Mom of twins.

No picture but I will remember this memory for my lifetime.