Day 69: Mama

For the last 8 months a constant reminder has been going off in my head, “I’m their Mom.” I don’t know if it’s that I really forget or if it’s I can’t believe it but whatever the reason there are still reminders often. Sometimes it’s with great joy that the thought comes as I see them smile and feel so excited I say to myself, “I’m their Mom!” Sometimes it’s a little less exciting when it’s 4am and I’m getting up for the fourth time that night and I think, Why?” the answer comes rushing to the fore front of my mind, “I’m there Mom.” Sometimes it comes with great surprise. Why am I not grossed out by their poops, their throw ups and their boogers? “Oh yeah! I’m their Mom!”

It’s funny to me how “I forget” in a sense. I guess I’m still getting used to the idea. I’m a Mommy! I’m now all of a sudden this woman who packs luggage to leave the house for an hour, that can accomplish pretty much anything with a baby in her hands, and who’s multi-tasking skills are at an all time high. I’m a Mommy! I don’t know how I can possibly need reminders at times, but I guess it’s still a shock. After 8 months it’s still a shock to me that I could love two little people so much and everyday fall more in love with them. The reality still reminds me, “I’m a mommy!”

Well, the other day I was basking away in my motherly duties, making a headband for Zaya, feeding her a snack, and grabbing up my son to go change his diaper. We talked and played a little on the changing table and we finished up so I picked him up and headed back to meet Zaya. As we were on our way Chase nestled his head on my shoulder and as clear as day said, Mama! I immediately gasped, smiled and teared up a little all at the same time. He said Mama! He knows I’m his Mama! I didn’t know how good that would feel to hear him say it. It was amazing! My little guy called me Mama. I am his Mama and it feels so good to be reminded by him. I’m not sure I will have to keep reminding myself anymore because they will start doing the reminding for me plus it just is starting to feel right. Maybe I’m getting the hang of this Mama business?

Today I’m grateful he knows my name.